


A Night to Fall Apart

by thishasnomeaning



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Infidelity, M/M, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8064181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thishasnomeaning/pseuds/thishasnomeaning
Summary: “I will never know you the way that prince knows you.” Too jealous to speak the name, not too intimidated by royalty. Not by any stretch of imagination.“No one will ever know me the way you knew me.” It was true. If things had stayed the way they were destined to – Kallias would have been his love. Closest friend, of course. Nearest thing to a brother, that too. And love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The focus of this fic lies on Erasmus/Kallias. Erasmus is cheating on Torveld with Kallias.

“Do you want to be free?”

It was a question Erasmus didn’t know how to answer. It was as if he was asked if he would want to grow wings if he was prepared to give up a limb in exchange. An abstract idea one could ponder in moments of boredom, always knowing that whatever one’s opinion on the matter was, reality would never change. Also, pondering this idea in particular was a _bad_ thing to do. That was something Erasmus had learnt a long time ago.

That didn’t stop him from pondering – not this exact question, but something not too far off –  in the past, though. But now, he didn’t have a need for that any longer. There was no Isthima just across the ocean. No Kallias too far out of reach. Now, all the things he desired were given to him.

And yet, it was his Master who was asking so he had to think about it. But not for long. With a hint of fear of rejection in his eyes, Prince Torveld asked him another question.

“Do you want to stay with me?”

That one was easy. Of course. Erasmus had never felt this at ease. He felt desired the way he should be desired. Honored and treasured. And put to use the way that befitted him.

“Yes, Torveld-Exalted. That would be an honour to this slave.”

“Then it is decided. Don’t get me wrong. I would free you if you ever wished for it. And provide you with enough money to lead a decent life. But I am fascinated with you _now_ , the way you are _now_. And the way we know each other already – it wouldn’t work if you were free. It would be awkward. I’ve been with free men, and it’s different. I know that King Damianos of Akielos is of a different opinion in this matter, but I believe that – you’ve spent _years_ learning to become this… this perfect. In my opinion, it would be a pity to throw all of this away.

“So, will you come to the assembly tomorrow, when the King will declare slavery to be abolished? Will you publicly announce that in our case this arrangement is of your own free will?”

“Yes.” It was an enthusiastic _yes_. A happy one.

“Thank you.” Torveld gave Erasmus a smile and a kiss. The smile didn’t _entirely_ reach his eyes. It was as if he had a guilty consciousness. As if he was enjoying the benefits from an immensely unfair deal. Meanwhile Erasmus enjoyed the kiss.

 

Then, one day, a richly decorated litter in Patran royal colours, carried by four servants and escorted by a handful of soldiers was headed towards Kallias’ caravan. Kallias had no idea what such a royal procession would want from him.

He had become a cloth merchant and while the thought that a queen or a prince might want to buy some his cloth wasn’t too much of a reach, whoever wanted to buy cloth didn’t need to send someone important enough to be carried around in a litter to do so.

But then Kallias saw that Erasmus was stepping out of that litter and Kallias face lit up like all his dreams had come true at once. But the unclouded joy of the moment did not last long. As soon as he saw the gold around Erasmus’ neck and wrists, Kallias mood turned grim.

Kallias had imagined about a million different things to say in case he would ever see Erasmus again. What he did say was: “Why are still wearing a collar?”

“This slave belongs to Prince Torveld of Patras.” Erasmus’ response sounded equally as frosty.

“Don’t you want to be free?”

“I will not leave Prince Torveld. You have no idea what he did for me.”

“And you can’t be with him if you are free?”

Erasmus shook his head.

“He wouldn’t want you any longer.” Kallias looked as if he wanted to kill someone.

“It’s not like that.”

“It’s exactly like that. You can’t fool me.”

Erasmus was shifting know. Uneasily. This was not going the way he had imagined. “If you keep insulting Prince Torveld-Exalted, I cannot stay here.”

“Interesting. Now you’re saying that if I suggest that he wants you to stay a slave which is… such an honourable thing to be, I’m insulting him? I wonder why that is.”

“Listen. When I was in Vere, I was tortured. Abused. I was a mess. And he… He helped me. He’s the one who stayed with me when I had a break-down. When I messed up. He believed in me. He was patient with me. He’s the one who taught me how to enjoy intimacy. He’s the one who taught me to accept that what happened in Vere was a bad thing. That it wasn’t my fault. He loves me.”

“He doesn’t love you.”

And Erasmus wondered how on earth Kallias would know that.

 

But, after all, Erasmus did send his guards away. Told them to pick him up in the next morning. Assured them that he would be fine. Torveld had been very generous when he had granted Erasmus’ wish to spend the night with an old friend and Erasmus was grateful for that. But in truth a lifetime wouldn’t be enough to catch up with Kallias. The thought that he had but a day to wrap up the remnants of what he had once believed to be a friendship that would last for a lifetime, if not longer – that thought gave rise to a bitter feeling deep within Erasmus’ guts.

 

They talked about stuff. How Erasmus had ended up in Patras. How Kallias had discovered that the cloth merchant guild was the most supportive and cheerful community he could ever imagine belonging to. Erasmus told Kallias about Patras and Kallias told Erasmus about all the market towns within Vere and Akielos he had travelled to. And about how much he loved travelling. Being between places. Later, Kallias shared his food with Erasmus, poured him wine and griva.

 

For a long while they avoided talking about their pasts, but in the end it was inevitable. After all, Erasmus and Kallias had shared far too much of _belonging_ of a different kind for Erasmus to ever make sense of it.

At first, they shared anecdotes about people they had known. Other slaves. Their teachers. Then, moments of solitude they had spent together. And then, Kallias apologized to Erasmus for that kiss.

“I know you wanted to save my life. And I did like that kiss,” Erasmus said. It was a lie. Erasmus had been so confused. He had liked the _idea_ of the kiss. Before it happened. And later. But mostly before.

“I have always hoped that wouldn’t be our last kiss.“

“You’re delusional.” Erasmus had chosen. He loved Torveld. Loving Torveld, being loved by Torveld, belonging to Torveld – it was bigger, stronger, _warmer_ than anything Erasmus could ever describe.

 

But then, Kallias was coming closer and closer, the longer the evening lasted. He was laughing now. Ruffling Erasmus’ hair from time to time, touching his hand. And Kallias was warm, too. But then, there were also moments when Kallias was bitter. Spiteful. Erasmus felt that whatever burned between them this night was burning far too hot.

“I will never know you the way that prince knows you.” Too jealous to speak the name, not too intimidated by royalty. Not by any stretch of imagination.

“No one will ever know me the way you knew me.” It was true. If things had stayed the way they were destined to – Kallias would have been his love. Closest friend, of course. Nearest thing to a brother, that too. And love.

Once, Kallias had been his love. Always. Always did not last for ever. But it did last for years.

But Erasmus knew what he wanted. He had known all his life and with whom – he had found out that within the first months of Torveld’s courtship. Because it had been a courtship.

“Maybe in another life…” Erasmus began. But Kallias stopped him.

“No. We belong together in this life. In another life we would have never met.”

 

At the end of the evening, Erasmus had drunk more griva than he ever did in all his life. He felt somewhat dizzy and unfocused. And aching for something he couldn’t put a name on.

At the end of the evening, Erasmus and Kallias were kissing again.

Erasmus couldn’t think. What he did wasn’t right. It was betrayal. He had been given the privilege to wear Torveld’s collar and now he was being a disgrace. He had failed and he would never ever be able to set things right again. Erasmus had invited Kallias’ lips and tongue and hands to touch him in places that had been reserved for Torveld forever.

But in a way, in a very strange way that was wrong, Kallias’ lips and Kallias’ hands were exactly where they should be. Erasmus had invited them. He knew that, if he could turn back time, he would invite them again. Kissing Kallias was his fault, yes, but it had also been inevitable.

And Erasmus reacted to Kallias’ hand on his hip. To his breath on his neck. He felt an aching desire, already heavy with remorse. Kallias slipped down to his knees, gracefully. A movement he had trained for. A movement both of them had practiced countless times.

And suddenly there was Kallias’ hand, stroking lightly, tenderly, through the thin fabric of Erasmus’ chiton. Batting his eyelashes. Looking up to Erasmus. _Up_. Mouth slightly open. It was that mouth, that face, those eyelashes – a face every man had wanted to possess. And no one ever did. Not Kastor. Not truly. Not the way Erasmus hold possession of that gaze now. Of those trembling hands working their way up the inside of Erasmus’ thighs. Under his chiton.

Erasmus was hard despite himself.

“I want to give you this.” Kallias’ voice was breathy. His eyes filled with lust. Erasmus knew what Kallias wanted to give him. He knew. Kallias wanted to suck his cock.

Erasmus gave a nod and accepted Kallias’ gift. It was a gift that came with a drawback. But that was a worry that belonged to another day.

That night, Kallias saw Erasmus fall apart in pleasure.


End file.
